Ways To Drive Sasori Insane
by Narceine
Summary: Sakura finds a list on deviantART called Ways to drive Sasori insane, and decides she wants to try it. Based on the list by MalunaDragon. Please R&R, no flames! New chapter FINALLY up.
1. Chapter 1

**Well I was on deviantART looking up Sasori when I came across something. I found something called Ways to drive Sasori insane by MalunaDragon. So I decided to write a story about it!! Wooo! Anyway, I give full credit to MalunaDragon for her list. Please enjoy!!**

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Sakura was on the computer in her room on her favorite website-deviantART. She had been the Akatsuki's medic for about two months now, and she had made a good impression on the guys. But one guy she hadn't made friends with was Sasori. He was always so uptight about everything and he didn't seem to like her. Maybe it had something to do with her killing him a few years back…..

Nah!

Sakura decided she would see what people had drawn of the other members of Akatsuki. She found some pretty funny things. When she typed in "Sasori" she had expected to find pictures of Sasori and his puppets. She had laughed at some of the SasoDei things. _'Sasori would never do that to Dei-kun!' _Sakura laughed. Then she came across a story titled "Ways to drive Sasori insane." She clicked on it and read the list of 30 things. She laughed so hard at number 12 and 13.

'_Hmmm…I think I have an idea!' _Sakura thought. She printed out the page and ran to Sasori's room to start on the list.

"Number one, Hide all of his carving tools and tell him Deidara blew them up." Sakura read out loud. She would have to go in his room when he wasn't there. When she got to his room, she noticed the door was open and there was nobody inside. "Perfect."

Sakura hurried into Sasori's room and looked for his carving tools. She looked on his desk and saw a mutilated body ready to be turned to a human puppet for Sasori's use. Sakura involuntarily shivered. Next to the bloody body, she saw the carving tools. She took them in her hands, careful not to cut herself, and looked for somewhere to hide them.

Sakura hurriedly looked around the room and spotted a cabinet. She rushed over to it and opened the door. Empty. She stuffed the tools in and shut the door. She turned to the door and began walking down the hall when she saw Sasori coming toward her.

"Hey Sasori!" Sakura greeted cheerfully. Sasori nodded to her politely.

"Sakura." He greeted back and walked into his room. She stopped and listened to what was going on inside. She heard a slam, kind of like a hand on a desk. Sakura inwardly smirked.

"I know I put them here…" She heard Sasori say. Then his head popped out of the door.

"Sakura." He called. Sakura turned around.

"Yeah?" She asked. Sasori frowned.

"Do you know where my carving tools went?" He asked. She inwardly smiled. _'Perfect.' _

"I think Deidara blew them up." Sakura said. Sasori's eyes narrowed in anger.

"DEIDARA!!!!!!" He shouted. Sakura turned and began walking away when she heard Deidara's voice from behind her.

"Yes Sasori-Danna?"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He shouted. Deidara's eyes widened in fear.

"I didn't do anything!!" He protested until Sasori took out his flame-thrower in his hands. Deidara ran as fast as he could down the hall and Sasori took off after him.

"DEIDARA! GET BACK HERE!" Sasori yelled at him. Then she heard a crash and a scream.

"Danna!!!! That hurt!!" Deidara whined. Sakura laughed so hard she fell on the floor, clutching her sides. She stopped laughing when Deidara ran back down the hall and into Sasori's room while Sasori chased after him.

"Danna! Why are you trying to kill me?" Deidara asked fearfully.

"You know fully well what you did!" Sasori ground out between clenched teeth.

"No I don't!" Deidara protested.

"You blew up my carving tools." Sasori growled. Deidara looked at him like he was crazy.

"No I didn't!!" Deidara said. He looked above him and saw a cabinet with the door slightly open. "What's in there, Danna?" Deidara asked.

"Don't change the subject!" Sasori growled. Deidara got up and walked over to the cabinet and opened it. Inside lay Sasori's tools.

"Sasori-Danna, your carving tools are in here!!" Deidara said, stepping to the side so Sasori could see.

"I never put them there…" Sasori said. Then he shrugged. "Well, whatever."

"So I can go?" Deidara asked. Sasori nodded and Deidara rushed out of the room.

*_*_*_*_*_*_

Sakura looked down at the list in her hand.

"Number two, Play the Barbie Girl song in his presence for a whole day and watch him go insane." Sakura read. Then she looked down to number three. "Number three, After number two, see if he starts to eventually follow along to the music."

Sakura laughed out loud at the thought of Sasori dancing and singing to Barbie Girl. Then she got an even funnier picture in her head; Deidara singing as Barbie and Sasori as Ken. She wiped a tear from her eye as she laughed and walked back to her room to get her laptop.

*_*_*_*_*_*_

Sasori was working on his puppet when Sakura walked into his room with her laptop in her arms. He looked up at her.

"What do you want?" He asked and looked back down to his puppet and put a hidden weapon in its arm.

"Well, the signal in my room isn't working, so I was wondering if I could use my laptop in your room?" Sakura asked him.

"Whatever. Just don't bother me." He said and continued with his human puppet.

Sakura nodded and sat on his bed. He had his back facing her so she let an evil smile stretch across her face as she clicked on iTunes. She scrolled through her long list of songs and found Barbie Girl. She turned the volume all the way up and clicked on the song. The sound of Ken and Barbie blared on her laptop and Sasori jumped at the sound. Sakura giggled, but you couldn't hear it because of the music.

Sasori tried to ignore the song that Sakura was playing, but it was almost impossible. His foot kept tapping to the music and he couldn't make it stop. He turned to Sakura and she immediately stopped smiling.

"Turn off that horrid noise." Sasori said, but his voice was droned out by the song.

"What?" Sakura asked, but again, the music was too loud.

"I said, turn the music off!" He tried louder, but to no avail. She still couldn't hear him.

"What?" Sakura asked again.

"TURN THE DAMN MUSIC OFF!" Sasori yelled at the top of his lungs. For about ten seconds, Sakura just stared blankly at him while the chorus of the song played. Then she finally answered him.

"…What?" Sakura asked.

"AHH!" Sasori shouted and stomped over to her. He grabbed her laptop and shut it off.

"No. More. Music." He growled. "Get. Out."

Sakura humphed and crossed her arms.

"Well then." She said and grabbed her laptop out of Sasori's hands. She stormed out of the room with her nose in the air. When she got back to her room, she fell on her bed and laughed. And laughed. And laughed……

"H-his foot was t-tapping!!!" Sakura got out between giggles. When she finally stopped, she looked down at the next number on her list.

"Number four, put big pink bows in all of his puppets' hair and see if he screams." Sakura read. She laughed.

"This in gonna be fun."

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**Well, I'm done with this chapter. I'll update soon. Please review!!! No flames. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I got a review saying to update today, so I decided to. :] Here's another chapter of my new story! This chapter will have a small scene of SasoSaku, but nothing major.**

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Sakura walked over to her dresser and pulled out ten large pink bows that were on clips and headed over to Sasori's room again. She had to somehow get him out of the room.

She walked in and Sasori looked up and glared.

"What do you want?" Sasori asked, obviously annoyed.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry about the Barbie Girl thing." She said. Sasori looked at her, and dismissed it with a hand wave.

"Whatever, it's okay." He said and continued working on the puppet he was working on. After a few moments, he looked up again and saw Sakura still standing there.

"Why are you still here?" He asked. Sakura looked at her feet.

"I was wondering if I could stay here with you?" She asked, smirking at her feet. Sasori didn't notice.

"Why?" He asked.

"It's so lonely in my room…" Sakura said, feigning sadness as she looked up at him again.

"Go hang out with Deidara or something." Sasori grunted. Sakura glared at him when he turned to his puppet again, and once again, Sasori didn't notice.

"But please? I don't wanna stay with Deidara! He always makes fun of my hair!" She whined. It was true, Deidara did make fun of her hair, but it didn't bother her. Usually she would just make fun of his, too. When he would say her hair was pink, she would say something somewhere along the lines of "Yeah, at least I have a hairstyle of my own gender" or "And your hair is girly. Now that we've stated the obvious…"

"He has reason to." Sasori snorted. Sakura glared at him. Then her glare softened as she came up with an idea. Even if he's a puppet, he _is _a man…

Sakura walked up behind Sasori and draped her arms around his shoulders as she leaned her head close to his ear. Sasori visibly stiffened.

"Please? I wanna stay with you." Sakura said. Sasori calmed down a bit, but was still tense. He let out a sigh.

"Fine, don't bother me. And I _mean it_." Sasori said, and turned back to his puppet. _'Can't make any promises.' _Sakura thought to herself. She grinned as she tried to think of a way to make him leave.

After about ten minutes of sitting in silence in Sasori's room, Sakura came up with a plan.

"Sasori?" Sakura called to him from across the room.

"Yes?" He answered, not looking up from his puppet.

"Can you get me a glass of water?" She asked. Sasori turned around to face her. It appeared he was done with his puppet.

"Why can't you get it yourself?" He asked.

"My legs are really sore. I don't want to walk all the way to the kitchen. And plus, I'm still not used to it here. I might get lost." Sakura said. Sasori contemplated this for a moment before he sighed and gave in.

"Fine. Stay here and watch my stuff. Make sure Deidara doesn't blow anything up." Sasori said. And with that, he left the room.

"Muahaha." Sakura laughed evilly. "It worked!"

She walked over to Sasori's desk where his newly finished puppet was laying. She looked it over before clipping a pink bow in its hair. Then she turned to the wall where nine more puppets hung. She clipped a bow in each of their hair. _'I wonder where he keeps the others…' _Just as she finished putting the last clip in the puppet's hair, Sasori walked in.

"I got your wa-" He stopped when he saw his puppets.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY PUPPETS?!?!?!?!" Sasori shouted.

_In Konoha _

"Shizune, did you hear that?" The Hokage asked.

"It sounded like someone yelling." Shizune said.

"Maybe we're just hearing things…"

_Back with Sasori and Sakura_

"I just put bows in their hair. I thought they looked pretty…" Sakura pouted. In her head, she was laughing. _'Check off number four.' _

"PRETTY?! They're puppets for battle!! They're not supposed to look PRETTY!" Sasori screamed. "If you don't get out of here in ten seconds, I'll poison you and turn you into a puppet." He threatened darkly.

Sakura rushed out the door and into the hallway. From inside Sasori's room, Sakura could hear screaming. Not fearful screaming, but pissed screaming. Sakura looked at the list. "Number five, Blow up all his puppets and say it was Deidara's idea." She read. She smirked. "MalunaDragon you are a genius!"

She got out five explosive tags from her weapons pouch and walked to Sasori's door. She waited a few moments until she knew he was cooled off, and threw them into the room, aiming for the puppets. Sasori stood up, enraged.

"What the fuck?!" Sasori shouted. He noticed Sakura standing at the doorway.

"Sakura." He said darkly. "Would you please tell me _why _you just blew up all of my puppets after putting bows in their hair?" He asked, a bit to politely. He had a menacing look on his face.

"It was Deidara's idea." Sakura said. Sasori growled.

"Deidara…" He said, his voice low and evil. He walked to the door and down the hall to Deidara's room. Sakura stood by Sasori's doorway to watch, but she didn't want to go any closer.

There was a crash, an explosion, another crash, followed by what sounded to by clashing of metal.

"Sasori-Danna! What did I do?!" She heard Deidara cry, before another bang was heard. Sasori walked out, a more peaceful look on his face. He walked by her, giving her a nod, and walked into his room. Sakura watched him with a slightly scared expression and backed slowly out of the room and ran back to hers.

"What's next on the list?" Sakura asked, unfolding the piece of paper. "Number six, call his puppets dolls." Then she saw number seven. "Number seven, then ask him "Don't you think you are really too old to be playing with dolls." Ha!!" Sakura read. She snorted.

'_I should probably wait until after lunch to do this, or he might kill me.' _Sakura thought. She looked at the clock. It read 11:53. _'I'll go get some lunch, then I'll do this.' _

_*Timeskip*_

After lunch, she read over the two numbers before heading off to Sasori's room again. He was sitting at his desk, trying to fix his mutilated puppets.

"Hey Sasori." Sakura greeted. Sasori looked up and glared at her.

"What the hell do you want now?" He asked.

"Nothing, just wondering how you were doing with your dolls." She said and shrugged. Sasori's eyes widened in rage.

"They're not dolls! They're puppets!" He shouted at her.

"Sasori, don't you think you are really too old to be playing with dolls?" Sakura asked. That did it. Sasori snapped and ripped off his Akatsuki cloak, letting the wire inside his stomach uncoil, about to lunge at Sakura. Her eyes widened and she darted out of the room and back to her room.

"Hm…what's next on the list?" She asked after she caught her breath. "Number eight, make him wait forever on anything." She read. "Okay then…"

She slowly walked over to Sasori's room, where he was fixing up one of his puppets. She hesitantly stepped in the doorway.

"Hey Sasori…?" She asked lightly. Sasori whipped his head up to see her. He stood up and started walking over to her.

"Get. Out." Sasori bit out when he was face to face with her. Sakura held her breath.

"I-I just wanted to apologize…" Sakura said. Sasori took a step back.

"You want to apologize after you fucking annoyed the shit out of me all morning? Why should I accept your apology?"

"Because I am sorry." Sakura said. _'Not really'_

"Fine. Whatever. Apology accepted." Sasori said.

"Is there anything I can get for you? To show you how _truly sorry _I am?" Sakura asked. She emphasized the words 'truly sorry'.

"Yeah, get me some herbs from Zetsu. Here's a list." Sasori said, handing her the list. She took it and walked slowly to the greenhouse, taking her time with each step.

After about ten minutes, she finally reached the greenhouse and saw Zetsu sitting at a desk in the corner.

"Hey, Zetsu." Sakura greeted. Zetsu turned around.

"Sakura-san, you never come around here. **What do you want?**" Zetsu asked.

"I can't just say hi to a fellow Akatsuki member?" Sakura asked playfully. She was a bit afraid of Zetsu, but he was ordered not to eat her by Leader, so she was a bit more calm than she usually would be.

"You usually don't come by here. What do you really want?" Zetsu asked. Sakura took out the list Sasori had given her and handed it to him.

"Sasori wanted me to get these herbs for him." She said. Zetsu nodded and began walking to the far end of the greenhouse. He turned and motioned for her to follow him. She did, and he began walking again.

"So, how's life?" Sakura asked. Zetsu turned to her slightly.

"Good. You?"

"Pretty good." Sakura said. Suddenly, Zetsu stopped walking. Sakura was surprised and had to walk back a few steps to get to where he was.

"Sakura-san, I had heard Sasori yelling a lot today. **He seemed pissed. **Do you, by any chance, have anything to do with it?" Zetsu asked. Sakura swallowed. _'Should I tell him?' _Sakura asked herself. _'I guess he won't tell anybody, so I'll tell him.' _

"Yeah, it was my fault. It's a long story." Sakura said. Zetsu nodded, signaling for her to continue. "Well, I was on the internet when I found this list that someone made up called "Ways to drive Sasori insane"." She took the list out of her pocket. "I thought it was hilarious so I printed it up and decided to do it." She handed Zetsu the list. He read it and laughed lightly at a few of them. "Right now I'm on eight."

Zetsu read over number eight.

"So you're planning on taking forever in here to annoy Sasori?" Zetsu asked. Sakura nodded. "**When you get to eighteen, I want a copy of the picture.**" He said. Sakura nodded again.

"Well, here are the herbs." Zetsu said, handing Sakura a basket with different grasses and leaves and flowers. "Would you like some tea?" He asked.

"Sure." She said. Zetsu led her to a table and poured her a cup of herbal tea. The smell of it calmed Sakura. She sipped it lightly as Zetsu and she made small conversation.

When Sakura finished her tea, she stood up, stretching slightly.

"Well, Sasori is gonna poison me if I take any longer, so I should go." She said.

"Okay. Goodbye, Sakura-san. **Come back soon.**" Zetsu said. Sakura smiled slightly and nodded, walking out the door and heading down the hall back to Sasori's room.

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**Well, I'm done with that chapter. I added Zetsu in there because I wanted Sakura to tell someone about the list, and it couldn't be anyone who was in the list, so I thought of Zetsu. Please review!!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's a new chapter! There will be hints of SasoSaku (I'm sorry, I like the couple) but nothing major. Please enjoy!**

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Sakura was on her way back to Sasori's room when she saw Sasori stomping toward her.

"Hey Sasori, I have your-"

"What the hell took you so long?!" Sasori growled, anger and annoyance in his eyes.

"Well, I went over to the greenhouse and Zetsu offered me some tea, so I drank it and we had a nice conversation and-"

"Don't you know that I hate to be kept waiting?" Sasori asked, annoyed.

"Sorry, I forgot…" Sakura said innocently. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Just give me the damn herbs." Sasori growled, ripping the basket out of her hands. As they were walking down the hall, Sakura walked behind Sasori and pulled out the list. She looked at the next number. _'Number nine, on purpose mistake him for Gaara (because of the hair)' _

"Hey, Gaara! Wait up!" Sakura called, running up to him. Sasori turned around and glared at her.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry. I mean Sasori." Sakura said, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. Sasori rolled his eyes and kept walking. They finally got to his room, and Sasori sat down and began working on a new poison with the herbs Sakura got for him. Sakura stood by the doorway.

"Gaara, is there anything else you need?" She asked. Sasori's head whipped up and she jumped back. "I meant Sasori." Sasori growled.

"No." He replied to her question. Sakura nodded and left the room, looking at her list.

'_Hmm…number ten, steal his spare puppet parts.' _

She sat on her bed and tried to think up a way to do the next number on the list. _'I could always do what I did when I had to get him out of the room to put the bows on his puppets…nah, he'll probably suspect something if I do the same thing again. I'll just wait until he leaves and sneak into his room.' _She concluded. She tiptoed quietly to the closet that was next to Sasori's room and watched the door, masking her chakra. After about twenty minutes, Sasori finally walked out of the room and down the hall.

Sakura tiptoed into his room and looked around. _'Where would he keep spare puppet parts…the closet?'_ Sakura thought to herself as she walked over to the closet. She opened the door and gasped. The closet was HUGE! And lined along the walls were his hundreds of puppets. She looked in a corner and saw a box. _'That must be where he keeps his spare puppet parts!' _She thought and rushed over. She peered inside the small box, and saw she was right. There were spare parts. Arms, legs, heads, fingers, toes, torsos, and some cylinder shaped parts. Sakura shivered at what those could be for.

She picked up the box that was surprisingly light and hurried out the room and down the hall to her room. She got in and looked around for a place to hide them. She finally decided on the closet in the corner, behind her shoes. She took out the list again and read the next number.

"Number eleven, talk about Orochimaru in front of him (don't forget about the tounge)" She read. She walked back to Sasori's room to see if he was back yet. He was, but he didn't seem to notice that his puppet parts were missing yet. She walked in.

"Hi!" She greeted cheerfully. Sasori looked at her. The look turned into a slight glare.

"What do you want now?" He asked.

"I just wanted to talk." She said, still smiling. Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Then talk." He said. Sakura nodded.

"I was wondering how it was to have Orochimaru as a partner. I mean, did he ever try to rape you? He scares the crap out of me. He kept talking about how he wanted one of my old teammate's body. Do you hear how gross that sounds? And that _tongue_!" Sakura ranted. "It's so creepy! He stared at me so many times and did that weird thing with his tongue. It makes him even more like a snake! His tongue is the creepiest thing to me! It's just so _ughhh_-"

"SHUT UP!" Sasori said finally. "Do you know how much you talk?"

"Well sorry! You told me to talk!" She said, raising her hands up defensively.

"You're so annoying!" Sasori growled. Sakura glared at him.

"Whatever!" She said and walked out of the room.

She walked back to her room to get the list. She had forgotten to put it in her pocket that time. She looked at it. _'Number twelve, play dress-up with his spare puppet body. Thirteen, don't forget the makeup.' _Sakura laughed at the thought. Again, she would have to get him out of the room. She went to her closet and pulled out a pink kimono with red trim and flowers and her makeup case. She once again went to the closet and waited for Sasori to leave. After two hours, she was about to give up, when she saw him leave. _'Perfect.' _ She thought and walked into the room.

Sakura walked over to the closet where she had found all the puppets and looked along the walls for another puppet with red hair. She finally found it next to a puppet with pink hair. She raised an eyebrow as she went over to see the pink-haired puppet. It looked a lot like her, except it had longer hair. It had her emerald eyes and everything. She looked at its body. It had a larger bust than her. Her eyebrow raised higher. It was wearing a short version of her shirt that showed its stomach and a short black skirt. It had her gloves and her boots, but no headband.

'_Why would Sasori have a puppet of me…?' _Sakura asked herself. She shrugged and went to the Sasori puppet. It already had no clothes, so that made it easier. She pulled it off the wall and onto the floor, where she pulled the dress on it. She laughed at Sasori in a dress. She opened her makeup case and took out red lipstick first. She smeared it messily on the puppet's lips and went to the eyeliner and mascara. She took out purple mascara and covered the puppet's eyelashes with it. Then she took out her black eyeliner and put it around the eyes, making the swoop-things on the sides of its eyes. **(A/N/: I don't really know what it's called, what girls do with their eyeliner. Sorry. Can someone please tell me? :]) **Then she took out the eyeshadow. She decided on a bright pink. She heavily applied it to the lids (well, if you could call right above a puppet's eye its lids, because she wasn't sure.) and took out the finishing touch. She decided to make it more fun.

She first took out her nail polish remover and cotton balls to remove the teal nail polish already on the puppet's nails. Once it was all removed, she took out her favorite nail polish.

Scented puppy pink nail polish.

Sakura liked it because she loved the color and it smelled like strawberry.

Sakura carefully painted each nail with her pink nail polish. When she finished, she turned the cap back on and stood back to admire her work. She knew Sasori would be coming back soon, so she dragged the puppet out of the closet and sat it on the bed so Sasori would see it. Then she bolted out of the room and back to hers, so maybe she would get lucky and he would think it was Deidara.

She looked down at her list at the next number when she heard yelling.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!"

It was Sasori's voice. Sakura laughed and read the next number.

"Number fourteen, stare at the rope thing he has in his stomach and when he looks at you scream "SNAKE"" She read. Then she looked onto number seventeen. It said 'After fourteen, grab the rope and pull it with you around the hideout until you find Deidara then give to him to hold and watch the fun unroll as Sasori retracts the rope pulling Deidara with it.' She laughed. Then she saw eighteen. _'After number seventeen, take a picture of the result and run away before Sasori shots poison darts at you.'_

"I love this list!"

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**This is so fun to write! I'll update probably daily or every few days. Please R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

Sakura read the next few numbers over again. Luckily, Sasori still hadn't put his Akatsuki cloak back on from when he tried to attack her with the wire/rope inside his stomach, so it would make this a whole lot easier.

She slowly walked to Sasori's room. Sasori was staring at the puppet in anger, his fists clenching.

"Hey Sasori, I heard screaming. What's wrong?" Sakura asked innocently. Sasori stepped out of the way so Sakura could admire her work. Of course, Sasori didn't know it was _her _work.

"Damn! Who did that?" Sakura asked. Sasori only glared in response. She stared at his stomach for about twenty seconds before he finally noticed.

Sasori was about to open his mouth to ask what she was staring at, when she screamed.

"SNAKE!!!" She shouted. Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Sakura, it's not a-"

Sasori was cut off when Sakura grabbed the wire and pulled it through the Akatsuki base to find Deidara. She found him in the kitchen with Itachi. She nodded in greeting to Itachi, before looking over to Deidara.

"Hey, Dei, can you hold this for me?" She asked.

"Uh…sure, un?" He said and took hold of the wire.

"What is it anyw-WOAH!" Deidara shouted when the wire was quickly pulled back to Sasori. Sakura turned to Itachi.

"Do you have a camera?" She asked. Itachi raised an eyebrow and pulled a camera out of his cloak. She grabbed it and ran after Deidara and Sasori.

'_Where the hell did he find room to hide a camera in his cloak?' _

She got back to Sasori's room to find Deidara on top of Sasori, his face mere centimeters away from the other's. Deidara's eyes were open in shock while Sasori's were narrowed in anger. Sakura quickly snapped a picture and ran before Sasori noticed it was her fault that he was in that position and poisoned her.

Sakura unfolded the piece of paper that she had in her pocket and read number fifteen. _'Threaten him with a blow torch.' _She read. She decided to wait a little while or else she would be walking to her own death. Until then, she had to think who would have a blow torch other than Sasori himself. And his are in his hands.

'_Who would have a blow torch…? Itachi maybe?' _Sakura thought to herself. She walked over to the kitchen where she last saw him. He wasn't there so she went to his room. She knocked on his creepy door.

'_Damn…everything of his looks creepy! Even his door! Maybe it's because it looks like a dungeon door…That's weird.' _Sakura thought as she waited for Itachi to answer the door. After about ten seconds, the door opened revealing a disheveled looking Itachi.

"Hey Itachi! Did I wake you up?" Sakura asked. Itachi nodded and motioned for her to step in. She walked inside his room and looked around. His room looked pretty creepy, too. It was tidy. _Too _tidy. _Nobody's _room was _that _tidy. It was also dark. The lights were dim and there was a lot of black and red.

"What did you need so badly that you felt the need to wake me up?" Itachi asked.

"Well I didn't know you were asleep!" Sakura said defensively. "I was wondering if you had a blow torch."

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"A blow torch? For what, may I ask?"

"Well…let's just say a piece of paper told me to." Sakura replied. Itachi's eyebrow raised even higher.

"A piece of paper…told you to?" He asked. He walked over to Sakura and put a hand on her forehead. "Sakura-san, are you feeling alright?"

Sakura moved away from his hand.

"Yes, I'm fine! Can you just give me the blow torch?" Sakura asked impatiently.

"Hn."

Itachi walked over to his closet and pulled out a blow torch and an iron mask.

"Here. Use the mask or you can go blind."

Sakura took the items from his hand, then she remembered something.

"Hey, do you have a copy machine?"

"Why?"

"I have to copy something, obviously." She said and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, but what do you need to copy?" Itachi asked, crossing his arms.

"I need to copy a picture for Zetsu." She said. Itachi walked out of the room and motioned for her to follow. They went down two hallways before going into a room with three copy machines.

Sakura took the picture out of her pocket, making sure Itachi didn't see it, and put it face down on the machine. She pressed a button and closed the top, and an identical picture to the one she took came out of the machine. She snatched it before Itachi could see it and walked back to her room, with a blow torch, mask, and picture in hand.

She got a weird stare from Hidan, but she just stuck up the middle finger and walked away.

She got to her room and put Itachi's blow torch down before finding an envelope. She also got out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down a note.

_Zetsu,_

_I'm sending Hidan to give this to you. It's the picture you wanted from number eighteen. I told him not to look at it, so if you get it and it's open, I give you permission to eat his arm. :]_

_Sakura~_

She folded the note and stuck it in the envelope with the picture and ran off to find Hidan. It didn't take very long since he was ten steps away from her room.

"Hey, Hidan! Can you give this to Zetsu for me?" She asked sweetly. Hidan took it from her.

"What the fuck is it?" He asked.

"It's a letter, duh!"

"Bitch. I mean what's inside it?"

"None of your business. Now take it to Zetsu. And don't open it because I _will_ know." She said and gave his a creepy smile. Hidan shivered and walked off in the direction of the green house.

Sakura walked back inside her room and took out the blow torch and put the mask on over her face. She slowly crept over to Sasori's room and turned the flame on. She jumped inside his room and waved the torch around. Sasori jumped.

"Sakura? What the hell are you doing with a blow torch?" Sasori asked, looking at her strangely. Sakura shrugged and turned the flame on the torch up. _'Wait…How am I supposed to threaten him?' _Sakura thought to herself. _'Hmm…I know!' _

"Sasori, go to the store and get me some tampons." She said, grinning wildly under the iron mask. Sasori's eyes widened.

"What the hell?! No!" He shouted.

Sakura turned the flame up even higher.

"Would you like to answer that again?" She asked, almost too sweetly.

"Uh…what brand?" Sasori asked. Sakura grinned and turned off the blow torch and took off her mask.

"Tampax Pearl." She replied. Sasori ran out of the room and down the hall, leaving Sakura to laugh her head off. She saw Hidan walk by the room, then turn back and walk inside.

"Sakura? What the fuck are you doing in Sasori's room?" He asked. "Oh, and by the way, Zetsu told me to thank you for whatever you gave him."

"None of you business! Tell him I said thanks. And can you give these to Itachi?" She asked, holding out the blow torch and iron mask. Hidan stared at her wordlessly.

"Sakura…what the fuck are you doing with a fucking blow torch?!"

"Having fun!"

Hidan stared at her for a few more moments before taking the mask and torch from her hands and heading off toward Itachi's room.

Sakura took out her list and looked at what was next. _'When you shake his hand, pull his arm off and run away with it.' _She read. She shook her head, smiling to herself. She'd have to wait until Sasori came back with her tampons.


	5. Chapter 5

After about an hour, Sasori finally came back to the base with Sakura's tampons.

"Here's your tampons…" Sasori mumbled, handing her the tampons. Remembering what she had to do, Sakura took the box and grabbed his hand.

"Thanks Sasori." She said, pulling his arm harder.

"Sakura, what are you doing with my-" He was cut off by a loud popping sound and his arm came off into Sakura's hand.

"RUN AWAY!!!" Sakura said and dashed out of the room with Sasori's arm.

"YOU COME BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY ARM!" Sasori shouted, running after her, waving his only hand in the air as he ran.

As they ran through the base, they got many weird stares from the other Akatsuki members. Itachi almost got ran over by Sakura, but he quickly stepped out of the way.

Leader yelled at them to stop running, so they slowed down until he left, then continued running through the many corridors. They passed by Hidan, who gave them a weird stare.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?!" He shouted as they got closer to him.

"Shut up." Sakura said and punched him in the face as she went by. He fell to the floor, clutching his nose. Sasori ignored him and ran over him.

"Fucking bastards!" Hidan called after them.

Sakura finally stopped running after she got to a dead end.

'_Why would they make a dead-end hallway in a hidden base?! Are they trying to make it like a maze?' _Sakura asked herself as she felt around the wall for any kind of secret passage. _'Damn…no way out.' _

"Give. Me. Back. My. ARM!" Sasori growled at her. Sakura looked at him warily.

She threw the arm at his face and ran right by him, back to her room. Sasori just stared after her as she ran. His only thoughts were _'???????' _

Sakura got back into her room and shut her door so that if Sasori was chasing her, he wouldn't be able to get in (The doors automatically locked when shut) and flopped down on her bed, breathing heavily.

"What…what's next…on the list…?" Sakura asked out loud between pants. She pulled out the list and looked at it. "Well, I already did seventeen and eighteen, so next is nineteen." She said. "Nineteen, stare at him all day while grinning like a madman."

'_This could be fun. But I can't really do it all day, so I'll just do it until he threatens to kill me or something.' _She thought to herself. She wondered if Sasori was back at his room yet. She decided to wait half an hour until she would do it.

30 minutes later, Sakura stepped out of the room and walked the short distance to Sasori's room. Before stepping into the doorway, she put on her creepiest, widest smile she could muster.

Sasori was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. _'Man, he has no life!' _Sakura thought to herself, making her grin go wider, if that was even possible.

"Sakura?" Sasori asked, finally noticing her. He stared at her strangely.

She kept grinning.

"Sakura…"

More grinning.

"Sakura…?"

More grinning.

"Sakura."

More grinning.

"SAKURA! STOP GRINNING LIKE THAT!"

More grinning.

"Sakura, if you don't stop grinning like that, I'm going to poison you."

Sakura stopped grinning and ran out of the room. Sasori stared after her. His face looked like this: O.o

Sakura read the next number of the list. _'Twenty, bleach his hair.' _She read. Now, where would she find some bleach? Probably either in the bathroom or in the laundry room, she concluded. She tried the bathroom first, looking through all the cabinets and drawers. No bleach.

She walked down the hall to the laundry room and found Konan there.

"Hey Konan, is there any bleach here?" Sakura asked. Konan turned around with a raised eyebrow.

"Why do you need bleach, Sakura-san?" She asked.

"I just need it for something. You'll find out soon." Sakura replied. Konan looked at her strangely but handed her a big bottle of bleach.

"Thanks Konan-san!" Sakura called, rushing out and down to her room.

'_Now how am I gonna do this? Sasori doesn't sleep, so I can't do it when he's sleeping. Maybe I can do it when he's spacing out like he was when I went in to his room. I mean, he can't always be up and about, even if he is a puppet.' _

Sakura pulled out some rubber gloves and headed off to Sasori's room again. She saw him doing what he was doing when she last was there; staring at the wall.

After about five minutes of watching him not move an inch, Sakura concluded that it was safe.

Sakura tiptoed quietly into the room as to not wake him up from his trance and stood behind him. She pulled on the gloves (she didn't want her hands covered in bleach) and opened the bottle of bleach. The strong smell of straight bleach burned her nose, and she scrunched her face up at the smell. **(A/N: I don't really know how to bleach hair, so I'm gonna write what I think you do and what I've heard from my friends who have bleached their hair. Sorry if it's incorrect.) **

Sakura poured a bit of the bleach onto the gloves and rubbed it into Sasori's hair. She massaged his scalp, forcing the bleach into his roots. After a minute or two of rubbing bleach into his hair, Sakura realized it getting lighter. It was now a dull red color, not nearly as bright as it had been. Sakura rubbed more of it into his hair, and after about twenty minutes, his hair was practically white.

The pinkette stood back and admired her work. Sasori's hair was now white-blonde, as oppose to the auburn red color it had been when she started. She was confused as to how Sasori could have stayed in that trance through all that rubbing and pulling of his hair, then remembered that he was a puppet. He couldn't feel.

Sakura walked back to the door, taking one last glance at Sasori. _'Who knows how long it will take him to wake up. I'll just wake him up now.' _Sakura thought. Before leaving the room, she brought chakra to her hands and brought them together in an ear-shattering clap. Sasori jumped, and before he could notice her, Sakura ran to her room.

She waited a few minutes to hear the screaming. After ten minutes, she walked back to Sasori's room. He was staring into his mirror, his mouth ajar and eyes wide, looking at his shocking reflection. Sakura decided to make a cover for herself by acting innocent.

"Sasori, what happened to your hair?!" Sakura asked, bringing her hands to her mouth.

"Someone bleached my hair in my sleep…" Sasori said. He didn't even sound mad, just…sad.

"Do you know who did it?" She asked. Sasori shook his head.

"I don't know why anyone would do this…" Sasori said, shaking his head once more, before turning to look at Sakura. "Do you have any red hair dye?"

Sakura shook her head. "Nope, sorry. I don't have any hair dye. This color is natural." Sakura said, pointing to her head. "Hey, it doesn't look that bad. Really." Sakura said, trying to cheer him up. She was starting to feel a little bad about bleaching his hair like that.

"If I find out who did this, I swear, I will cut them open, rip out their guts, cut off their head and use it for target practice, and feed the remains to Zetsu."

Okay, maybe she didn't feel _that _bad anymore.

Sakura shivered at the thought of her body completely mutilated, headless, gutless, and half stuffed down Zetsu's throat.

"Well I'll be going now." Sakura said and stepped out of the room, speed walking back to her room.

"I'm dead…" She said to herself. Then she got an idea. "I'll get one of the Akatsuki to be my bodyguard!" She said.

"Now who to use?" She asked. Obviously she couldn't use Sasori, because that's who she needed protection from. Deidara was out of the question, too, since he was in the list and would probably get mad at her. Tobi was just…Tobi. Zetsu would be needed at the garden, and even if he is strong, Sasori is a puppet. Zetsu can't eat puppets. Itachi probably wouldn't even try to protect her. He wouldn't work either. Maybe Kakuzu would work, if she paid him enough. She wanted to keep her money, so Kakuzu wouldn't work out, either. Pein and Konan would probably get mad at her for doing all these things to Sasori, so she couldn't use them. It was down to Kisame or Hidan.

Well, Kisame was huge and strong, and had a huge sword. But Hidan was immortal, and pain was nothing to him. Kisame could be poisoned or killed, but Hidan would just keep fighting. He couldn't die. Sakura made her decision.

She skipped out her room and down the hallway. She called out in a sing-song voice.

"Oh Hiiiidannnn!"

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Soooo how was it? Please tell me what you thought of it in a review. **


	6. Chapter 6

Sakura skipped through the Akatsuki base, calling Hidan's name.

"Hiiiidaaaaannnnnnn!" She called, looking into all the rooms.

He wasn't in his room, or his partner Kakuzu's room. He wasn't in the greenhouse, or with Itachi. He wasn't in any of the bathrooms, or Leader's room. So there was only one place left to look.

The kitchen.

Sakura skipped merrily to the kitchen, where she saw Hidan and Kakuzu sitting at the table. Hidan was bragging about his latest sacrifice and how cool he was when he killed the man, while Kakuzu was pretending to listen while counting his money.

"Hidaaaaaaan!" Sakura called to him as she entered the kitchen. Hidan stopped his story and looked up at her with a weird look on his face.

"Are you here to tell me what the fuck you were doing with a blowtorch?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu stopped counting his money to look up at Sakura, eyebrow raised.

"Uh, no. I was gonna ask you to be my bodyguard." Sakura told him, grinning. Hidan stared at her for a moment.

"What the fuck would you need guarding from? You could just punch a hole through whatever it is."

Sakura looked sheepish for a moment.

"Uh…I can't really tell you."

Hidan stared at her for another moment.

"You expect me to guard you from something, when you won't even fucking tell me what it is?!" Hidan yelled. Sakura's eyes widened and she waved her hands around.

"Hidan, shush! I don't want everyone knowing about this!"

"Then tell me what it is."

"No."

"Then I won't be your bodyguard."

"Fine then. Kakuzu, will you be my bodyguard?"

"How much does it pay?"

"40,000 yen an hour."

"Hey! I could guard you way better then Stitches over here!" Hidan said. Kakuzu glared at him.

"Then you'll do it without me telling you what it is?"

"No."

"Hidannnnn!"

"Tell me!"

"No! Just agree to be my bodyguard and I'll think about telling you."

"No!"

"Hidan, please? I'll do anything you want, I just really need protection from…someone."

Hidan grinned.

"So it's a someone. Is it someone in the Akatsuki?"

"No…well yes, but-"

"It's Itachi!"

"No… Hidan-"

"Deidara?"

"No…Hidan stop-"

"Kisame?"

"No! Hidan just-"

"Zetsu?"

"No!! Stop it-"

"Sasori?"

Sakura froze and stayed completely silent. Hidan's eyes widened and he grinned widely.

"It's Sasori? Why are you afraid of Sasori?" Hidan asked, proud that he figured it out.

"I-I'm not…"

"If you're afraid he wants revenge on you, he doesn't. He's over that, seriously."

"No, it's not that. I…I can't tell you. I don't want anyone to know. Only Zetsu does…"

"Hey! Why the fuck did you tell Zetsu and you won't tell anyone else?!"

"Because I know he won't tell and I know he won't _yell _about it so everyone can hear it!" Sakura said in a low voice.

"Well fine, I won't fucking tell anyone."

Sakura looked into his eyes, and argued in her head.

'_I should tell him. I don't think he'll tell anyone if I ask him not to.'_

'_But he's so loud….'_

'_He'll shut up if I tell him to.'_

'_But Kakuzu is in here. He might hear.'_

'_Who cares, Kakuzu probably doesn't give a shit.'_

'_I'll tell him.'_

"Okay, Hidan. I'll tell you."

Hidan's face lit up like a child's when he sees what Santa brought him on Christmas.

"Well… I was on my laptop, and I found this list called "Ways to drive Sasori insane", so I thought it would be funny to do it." Sakura took out the list. "This is the list. I got to number twenty…" Sakura trailed off after handing Hidan the list. He unfolded the paper and read through the list, laughing from the time he got to number two.

"You bleached his hair?!" Hidan asked quietly after he had gotten to twenty.

"Yes… He doesn't know it was me but he said that if he found out who did it, he would mutilate them…"

"So you want me to protect you."

"Yep."

Hidan thought about it for a few moments, before looking to her again.

"Fine, I'll fucking do it. As long as I can help with the rest." He finished, grinning. Sakura nodded her head.

"Well…if you need my protection so badly, maybe you should move into my room-"

"No."

"How about I move into yours?"

"No."

"Come on!"

"No."

"You know you want me."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"Okay Hidan, let's see what we have for number twenty-one." Sakura said, unfolding the piece of paper. The two leaned their head close to the paper so they could read it.

"Call him Pinocchio." They read at the same time.

"We'll go in one at a time, okay?" Sakura asked. Hidan nodded.

"I'll wait here."

Sakura walked out of her room and slowly to Sasori's room. She saw him sitting at his desk, writing something on a scroll.

"Hey, Pinocchio!" Sakura greeted. Sasori looked up and glared. "I see you haven't found any hair dye."

Sasori growled at her.

"Well, bye Pinocchio!"

Sakura walked back to her room, giggling. At least, until she saw Hidan looking through her underwear drawer, holding up a black lacy thong.

"Hidan…" Sakura growled dangerously. Hidan whipped his head up.

"Hey, do you wear these a lot? 'Cuz I don't think you have a very good shot at getting laid here, unless you go to me…"

"HIDAN!!!!!!!"

Hidan gulped and ran out of the room, Sakura on his tail.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"What's the next number?" Sakura asked Hidan. Hidan had taken the list from her while she wasn't looking, but she didn't seem to care.

"Hey! I didn't even get to do anything on the last one!" Hidan whined.

"Who cares! You can do this one. Just read it out loud."

Hidan grumbled and took out the folded piece of paper from his cloak.

"It says: Number twenty-two, ask if he ever has problems with woodpeckers pecking at him." Hidan read. Hidan looked up from the list, making eye contact with Sakura, and they both burst out laughing.

"C-can I do th-this one?" Sakura asked between laughs.

"N-no. You a-already said I c-could do th-this one."

"C-come on!"

"No." Hidan said, finally regaining his breath.

"Hey! It's my list and I choose who does each number. I could just say you can't do any of them."

"Then I wouldn't agree to being your body guard. And anyway, you already fucking said I could do it."

"Well that was before I knew what it was."

"No. Either I do it or I'm not your body guard."

"Fine. Fuck you." Sakura said and plucked the list out of Hidan's hands, sticking it in her pocket.

"W-wait, I didn't mean that."

"Mhm."

"Fine, you can do it…"

"That's what I thought."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"Hey Sasori! I have a question for you!" Sakura called cheerfully, skipping into Sasori's room. She looked around but found that Sasori wasn't there.

"Hm… That's weird."

Sakura looked around again and noticed that the door to Sasori's puppet closet was wide open.

"Maybe he's in there…?"

Sakura walked silently over to the closet, peeking her head inside. All she saw were puppets.

Sakura took a step inside and looked around at all the puppets that lined the walls. She shuddered when she thought about how all of them were once people.

She walked further to where the Sasori puppet that she dressed up was. She noticed it had been moved, along with the pink-haired puppet that was next to it.

Pushing her way through the hundreds of puppets, she finally found the two puppets.

Sakura blinked at the sight, mouth agape.

She blinked again.

She rubbed her eyes, wondering if the image would go away.

The Sasori puppet was back to its original clothes, all traces of makeup wiped away.

The Sakura puppet, however was the one that freaked her out.

It was wearing a _very _skimpy black lingerie set, stockings and all. The lips were bright red, and all together it looked very real.

The position the puppets were in also freaked Sakura out a bit.

The Sakura puppet was on a wooden bed, on all fours, ass in the air, while the Sasori puppet was leaning over the Sakura puppet with a whip in hand.

"Oh my Kami…" Sakura whispered.

The puppets were so realistic… The scene in front of her almost looked like a scene from a movie if you paused it at the right moment.

Sakura never knew Sasori was kinky.

Sakura took four slow steps back before taking off out of the closet and back into the room. Sakura put her hand over her heart and breathed a few times before walking toward the door.

Sakura was about to leave when a figure stopped her.

"What are you doing in my room?"

Aw, shit.

"I-I was just… uh… looking for you. I wanted to ask you a question."

Sasori eyed her face carefully.

"Did you go in my closet?"

Sakura's eyes widened a fraction. She would have to act innocent. She could do this.

"No, why?" Sakura asked calmly. "What's in there?"

"My puppets."

"Oh, puppets. Maybe puppets of me and you having sex?"

Okay, maybe not so calmly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"…"

Sakura held her breath.

"Okay, so what did you want to ask me?" He asked.

How could he _not _catch what she had just said.

"Oh… uh…"

Damn, she forgot what she wanted to ask!

Oh, yeah… The list…

"Do you ever have problems with woodpeckers pecking at you?"

Sasori's eye twitched.

"Well, gotta go! Bye! See ya!" Sakura said, speeding off back to her room before Sasori could hurt her.

Sakura ran into her room and locked the door, leaning against it while she tried to catch her breath.

"What happened?"

Oh shit! She had forgotten Hidan was here!

"Nothing. I was just afraid Sasori was gonna poison me or something."

Hidan stared at her for a few moments.

"That's why I should have done it. If you need a fucking bodyguard, why are you gonna keep doing this shit if you won't even let me come along?" Hidan asked.

"Trust me… You'd be glad you didn't …"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"…"

"…"

"Hey, wanna get some pizza?"

Sakura sweatdropped. Are people really this deaf?

"Sure…"

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Sakura took the list out of her pocket and motioned for Hidan to come over from his spot seated on her bed.

"Twenty-three, try to knock off his head by throwing pillows at him and if it doesn't work run away before he can poison you."

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Sorry about the long wait, I've been really busy these past two weeks. I'm going to be on vacation now from tomorrow until next Saturday so I most likely won't be able to update until then. But please, don't be mad. Be happy! At least I'm updating…**


	7. Chapter 7

Sakura looked at Hidan. He looked back.

"I WANNA DO IT!" They yelled together. Sakura glared at Hidan while Hidan stuck his tongue out at her.

"Let me do it! You said I could help then you never let me do any." Hidan whined. Sakura shook her head.

"It's my list. I choose who does it. You can do the next one." Sakura said.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Pinky-Promise?"

Sakura sighed. She stuck out her finger.

"Pinky-Promise."

"Can we kiss on it?"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"How about-"

"One more word and I'll castrate you."

Hidan shut his mouth and Sakura walked out of the room.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"Sasoriiiiiiiiiiiii!" Sakura called, walking into his room. Sasori wasn't there. Again.

Then he heard the sound of wood hitting wood from inside the closet. Again, the door was wide open.

Walking over to the door, Sakura took a deep breath.

"Sasori?" Sakura called. She walked a few steps in before she heard the wooden noise again. She took a few more steps in before calling again.

"Sasori…?"

"Yes?"

Sakura jumped at the voice. She whirled around to see Sasori standing there, eyebrow raised.

"O-oh, hey, Sasori. I was looking for you. What're you doing in here?" Sakura asked awkwardly, stuttering a bit on her words. She put a hand to her chest in attempt to steady her erratic heartbeat.

"This _is _where I keep my puppets, Sakura. And I _did _make a new puppet." Sasori answered. Sakura's face flushed red a bit.

"O-oh, ye-yeah, that's true… Heheh" Sakura said, embarrassed.

"You needed something…?"

Oh, yeah. The list.

Sakura had totally forgotten.

Again.

"Well… I was wondering if I could… Stay in here with you for a while."

Sasori's eyebrow rose higher.

"Why…?"

"Because… Um… I'm scared?" Sakura said.

Sasori's eyebrow raised into his hairline.

"What in the world would you be scared of?"

Sakura tried to think. She shouted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Hidan is trying to rape me!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"WHAT?!"

Sakura winced. She probably shouldn't have said that.

'_I couldn't have just said I was afraid of the dark? Come ON!' _

"Hehe… Yeah, Hidan… Well he was kinda hitting on me … And he, um … Tried to make me get in bed with him… And I, uh, turned him down… And now he's stalking me and trying to make me sleep with him." Sakura lied. Sasori's eyes widened.

'_I should have come up with a different reason for wanting to stay with Sasori. I only need to do it until I get the perfect chance to knock his head off… But now he's gonna kill Hidan. If that's even possible…'_

"I am going to _kill _that bastard Hidan." Sasori growled and headed for the door. Sakura quickly jumped in front of him.

"No! D-don't kill him … I don't want him to know I told anyone about what he's doing. Just, uh, let me stay here for now and I'll be fine." Sakura said. Sasori sighed.

"Fine. But if he tries anything again-"

"I'll come to you."

Sasori nodded and handed her a pillow and a blanket.

"Here. You can sleep on my bed, since I don't really need rest…"

"Okay thanks. But… Can you get me something?"

Sasori turned his head slightly to look at her.

"Yes…?"

"Can I have, like, ten more pillows? I have a really bad headache and I need the softness."

Sasori stared at her.

"Uh… Sure…?"

Sasori walked over to a dresser and pulled out ten pillows and handed them to Sakura.

"Thanks Saso-kun!" Sakura chirped cheerfully.

"Saso-kun?" Sasori repeated, as if it were a foreign word.

"Yeah!" Sakura said. If he weren't a puppet, Sasori would've blushed.

Sasori was about to go back into his puppet closet, but Sakura stopped him.

"Sasori, stay in here!" Sakura said. Sasori turned around.

"I was doing something before you came in here. I would like to finish it."

Sakura shivered. She bet she knew what he needed to _finish_.

"Please? What if Hidan comes in and you're in the closet and he rapes me?"

"…Sakura, it's not sound-proof. I can hear what's going on from the closet."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease stay in here?" Sakura whined.

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"_No_."

"PLEEEEEEEEE-"

"Fine!" Sasori gave in and sat at his desk, facing Sakura.

"…Um, Sasori?"

"What is it now?"

"I can't sleep with you watching me…"

Sasori grunted and turned his chair around. Sakura smirked.

She took one of the pillows from under her head and threw it at Sasori. It hit the back of his head and Sasori whipped around.

Sakura closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Sasori turned his chair back around after watching her 'sleep' for a few moments.

Sakura took another pillow. She used a little chakra and whipped it at Sasori's head. It hit and his head snapped violently forward, but it didn't fall off.

She had to keep in giggles as Sasori slowly turned around, a dark look on his face.

"Sakura…"

Sakura yelped and ran away as Sasori took out poison senbon.

She sped into her room and slammed the door shut, leaning against it and panting.

"I'm guessing he was mad?"

Sakura looked up at Hidan, who was watching her. Still trying to catch her breath, Sakura could only nod.

"Well, let's see what the next one is, since _I'll _be the one doing it."

Sakura handed Hidan the folded piece of paper. He unfolded it and his eyes scanned for the next number.

"Put Sasori and Deidara (after giving him lots of sugar) in the same room and lock it." Hidan read.

"Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I please do this one?"

"You already promised."

"I'll kiss you."

"…For a kiss we can _both _do it."

"Fine."

Hidan grinned and walked up to Sakura. She put out a hand to stop him.

"Only a peck on the lips." Sakura said. Hidan nodded and closed his eyes, leaning toward Sakura.

Sakura licked her hand and put it up to Hidan's lips then quickly pulled it away.

Hidan opened his eyes and grinned wider.

"Good, you find a room and you can get Sasori, I'll give Dei-kun the sugar." Sakura said. Hidan nodded and walked out of the room.

Sakura laughed. "Sucker."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"Dei-kun!" Sakura called and knocked on his door. After a moment, the door opened, revealing Deidara. His Akatsuki cloak was off and the usual ponytail was down.

"Sakura, un? What do you need?" Deidara asked. Sakura grinned.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have some tea with me."

Deidara stared at her for a moment before nodding.

Deidara led Sakura to the kitchen (since she still didn't know her way around the base).

"I'll make the tea." Sakura said. Deidara nodded and sat as Sakura heated up the water and pulled out the box of tea.

"How much sugar do you want?" Sakura asked.

"Just one teaspoon, un." Deidara replied. Sakura nodded and put one teaspoon of sugar. She did the same to her tea.

Then, stepping in front so Deidara couldn't see, Sakura poured the rest of the box of sugar into Deidara's tea.

"Here you go." Sakura said, stirring his tea so that the sugar would dissolve and wouldn't be all at the bottom.

"Thanks, un." Deidara said and took a sip.

_**Twenty minutes later**_

"WowSakurathatwasreallygoodteaIwassothirstyIloveteait'ssogoodIkindahaveaheadachenowIdon'tknowwhyhahaIlikechocolatedoyoulikechocolateIlikechocolateSasoriissomeanhetriedtohurtmetodaymyfavoritecolorispinkOMGLOOKABUNNY!" **(Translation: Wow Sakura that was really good tea I was so thirsty I love tea it's so good I kinda have a headache now I don't know why haha I like chocolate do you like chocolate I like chocolate Sasori is so mean he tried to hurt me today my favorite color is pink OMG LOOK A BUNNY!) **

Sakura sweatdropped as she watched Deidara run outside and play follow the leader with a bunny. He was even _hopping_.

'_Well, that worked…' _

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Hidan walked into Sasori's room and saw him sitting at his desk. He hadn't seen Sasori all day, so he didn't get to see him with his bleached hair. He stifled a laugh as he walked up to him.

"Hey, Pinocchio, I need some help fixing a door." Hidan said. Sasori turned to look at him.

"Fixing a door…? Why would you need me for that?"

"Um… it's wooden?"

"…You're an idiot, Hidan."

"Fuck you! Just come with me."

Sasori sighed and got up.

"Fine."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

"Hey, Dei-kun. Come with me, I want to show you something." Sakura told Deidara.

"OKAY!!!!!" Deidara said enthusiastically and jumped into Sakura's arms. Sakura wavered a bit, but carried him no less.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Hidan was leading Sasori to a large closet that he found near Leader's office when he saw Sakura. And she was carrying Deidara.

'_What the FUCK?' _

Deidara had his arms around Sakura's neck and his eyes were squeezed shut, as if he were afraid of falling. Not like he would be hurt at all if he fell, but hyper Deidara was also _delusional _Deidara.

"Here we are." Hidan said, stopping in front of a door. Sasori eyed it as Hidan opened it.

"Hidan, there is nothing wrong with this do-"

Sasori was cut off by Hidan pushing Sasori into the closet. Sakura rushed over and threw Deidara in. He landed directly on top of Sasori.

Hidan quickly slammed the door shut and put a lock seal on the door that could only be broken by his chakra.

Sakura doubled over in laughter as he heard Deidara screaming stupid questions at Sasori.

"SASORINODANNADOYOULIKEMILK?" **(Translation: Sasori no Danna do you like milk?)**

"No, brat! I don't drink anything!"

"HOWABOUTCOOKIES?" **(Translation: How about cookies?) **

"I DON'T EAT EITHER!"

Sakura clutched her stomach and doubled over in laughter as Hidan fell to the floor, cracking up. (**Rotflmao) **

Wiping a tear from her eye, Sakura stood up straight and took out her list.

"Number twenty-five, Sneak up behind him when he is sitting down, then grab his shoulders and pull him back fast down to the floor and when looks up at you stick your tongue at him."

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Yay I'm finally done with this chapter ! I just got back on Saturday from my vacation and I was working on this chapter since then . Please review . If you don't, I'll send hyper Deidara to talk your ears off . :3**


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG I AM SO SORRY! I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER! My computer got a really bad virus, so I was running one of those anti-virus check things on it..It wasn't loading right so I kept trying to fix it, but it was frozen. So I got pissed and slammed on the keyboard (my computer is a laptop) and the screen went black..And when I tried to turn it on, it went to this blue screen with a ton of data..It stayed like that for 3 days before I finally got rid of it, because I knew it wouldn't work again. And then I finally got a new laptop, but it didn't come with Microsoft Word, and my dad didn't want to have to buy it, so I didn't have a word processor on my computer for like 8 months. And I finally got OpenOffice, so now I can update my stories again! :D**

And I think I've gotten much better with my writing since then. My English teacher read a short story that I wrote for an assignment, and told me that I'm an amazing writer. She's pressuring me to write a book! :D So I'm hoping this chapter will be better written than my other chapters. Enjoy~

Sakura and Hidan were nearly dying from the hilarity of their last stunt. When they had unlocked the door, Deidara nearly flew out of the small room in a blur of golden hair and hyperactivity. Sasori, on the other hand, had to drag himself out on his hands and knees. Deidara + hyperness = VERY tiring. If he wasn't a puppet, Sasori would be crying right about now. Sakura and Hidan helped Sasori back to his room, and laid him down on his bed. Once lying down, Sasori pulled his feet to his chest in a fetal position, and rocked back and forth. Sakura had to crawl back to her room from laughing so hard.

"Number twenty-five, Sneak up behind him when he is sitting down, then grab his shoulders and pull him back fast down to the floor and when looks up at you stick your tongue at him" Sakura read out loud.

"I'm thinking we should wait, at least until tomorrow..You know, to give Sasori some time to recover." Hidan suggested. Sakura nodded in agreement, and they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited...

_Ten minutes Later_

"I CAN'T STAND IT! WE HAVE TO DO IT _NOW_!" Hidan shouted. The pair ran to Sasori's room together, to find Sasori missing from his spot on his bed. The door to his closet was once again open...

"He's probably in there!" Hidan shouted, breaking into a dash for the door. Sakura's eyes widened and she pulled him back to the doorway.

"We can NOT go in there!"

"Why not?"

Sakura had to think. What could she tell him? That Sasori has a kinky puppet of her so he can make his spare puppet fuck her? I don't think so.

"Um...uh...It's private?"

"Bullshit!" Hidan cried. He stomped into the closet, dragging Sakura by the wrist. She was kicking and protesting against it, but Hidan ignored her. He tread deeper into the closet, and Sakura realized that they were getting close to where the Sakura puppet was. She tried to hold onto something to keep Hidan from dragging her there, but he was too strong, since Sakura hadn't used her chakra.

Lines of puppets covered the walls completely. Empty faces of once-alive ninja stared back at Sakura. She was getting extremely creeped out by this place. It was even wierder now, even though she had Hidan with her this time. The puppets, of course, didn't phase Hidan in the least. He mutilated bodies on a daily basis. The puppets held no match against the shit that Hidan had done in the past.

_This is it_, Sakura thought. Three more steps and they would be staring into the face of a skanky Sakura puppet. Two more steps. One more step...

_What the fuck_?

There was nothing there! The wall was completely blank. There was no bed, no extra Sasori puppet, no Sakura puppet clothed in lingerie. Just a blank wall. Sakura breathed out, half in relief, half in amazement. Where could those puppets have gone?

"What's the big deal with this place anyway? Why didn't you want me to see this shit hole?" Hidan asked Sakura. She shrugged, hiding her shock.

"Okay then.."

Sakura and Hidan made their way back into Sasori's room, and out into the hallway. There was no sign of the puppet man yet. Just ten minutes ago, he was curled up in the fetal position on his bed. Now, he's disappeared. The two searched all over the base in search of Sasori.

They checked in Deidara's room; No Sasori.

They checked in Tobi's room; No Sasori.

They checked in Itachi's room; No Sasori.

They checked in the greenhouse; No Sasori.

They checked Kisame's room; No Sasori.

They checked Kakuzu's room; No Sasori.

They checked Konan's room; No Sasori.

They checked the training grounds; _Still _no Sasori.

Where could he be?

After two hours of searching, Hidan and Sakura gave up and decided to go back to Sakura's room. They dragged themselves into Sakura's room, only to find Sasori standing there. Sakura looked up in surprise, her eyes wide. Hidan just stared blankly.

"Sakura. Hidan." Sasori nodded in greeting. Sakura's eyes narrowed. This was _her _room!

"Sasori! What the fuck are you doing in _my room_?" Sakura growled. She emphasized the words "_my room_".

"Sakura-san-"

"Don't act so formal with me, Sasori."

"_Sakura_. For the whole day, all you've done is pester me and cause me trouble. And for somehow you've dragged Hidan into it. You've ruined my puppets, trespassed into my room multiple times, lied, threatened me with a God damned _blow torch_, detached my arm, _attempted _to detach my head, bleached my hair, and flat out _drove me insane _all fucking day! Do you have _any _explanation, before I tear you open and turn you into one of my puppets?" Sasori ground out through clenched teeth. Sakura gulped.

Hidan stood awkwardly, feeling the air grow heavy. He put a hand to the back of his neck. "Well, I think it's time for me to leave.." He dashed out the door, slamming it shut. Sakura's eyes widened. She was stuck with a murderous Sasori and no bodyguard. She was so screwed.

"Well?" Sasori asked impatiently. His arms were crossed over his wooden chest. Sakura quickly tried to think of an explanation, but came up with nothing.

"I-I..Uh..We..H-he..I-I-I..." Sakura stuttered. She sighed and lowered her eyes to the ground. "Just kill me now.."

"As you wish." Sasori said, emotionlessly. He started to take a step forward, syringe in hand, when he noticed Sakura's shoulders shaking. Eyebrow raised, he took another step, and heard quiet sobs coming from her. Sparkling tears fell to the floor. Sasori's eyebrow raised higher as he watched Sakura cry. Though he had been human once, he had forgotten what it was like to cry. It was surprising to watch, the strong konoichi who had killed him only a year ago, was now so vulnerable.

With a shake of his head, Sasori attempted to dismiss all guilt from his thoughts. I mean, she annoyed the living shit out of him for the entire day! But watching her cry killed him on the inside, and knowing he made her cry made it worse. Sasori watched Sakura's frame shake with every sob she made. Even if he was just a puppet, he still had _some _sympathy left in him.

_I am such a good actress!_ Sakura thought to herself. She did feel a bit bad about pissing him off this much, but come on, it was HILARIOUS! She had to make Sasori stop being mad at her before she did the next number on the list. And guys _always _get all mushy when girls cry. This'll be easy!

The syringe dropped from Sasori's hand as he unclenched his fists. He slowly walked towards the hysterical girl, debating weather to hug and comfort her, or to say he'll let her live as long as she leaves him the fuck alone. He weighed the options until he stood right next to her. Being this close to her made the choice obvious.

"Stop crying. I'll let you live, just stop annoying me! Brat." Sasori muttered. He knew if he had comforted her, Sakura would _never _let him live it down. No matter how guilty he felt, he couldn't let his reputation be tarnished because of a crying girl.

How could he be so cold? Sakura's plan had failed. _All _guys are supposed to comfort girls when they cry! _Sasori is so...so...so _mean_!_ Sakura screamed in her head. _Maybe he really does hate me..._

Sakura's heart cracked at that thought. Sasori wasn't lover material, but she still didn't want him to _hate _her! At least a close friendship would be nice! But the thought of him hating her..

Among all the fake tears spilling from her eyes, one true tear slid down her cheek and dropped to her floor. Sasori crossed his arms once again.

"Why are you still crying? I told you I won't kill you. Stop being such a damn drama queen." Sasori rolled his eyes. Sakura's heart shattered. He really _did _hate her. Now the tears falling were real, and the sobs racking her lithe frame were louder than before. Her legs gave out and she fell to her knees, covering her face with her hands. Why does he hate her? I mean, yeah she may have bugged the living shit out of him, but she never was rude or anything.

"Did you not hear me? I said-" Sasori stopped when he heard Sakura mumble something, though it was much too soft for him to hear.

"Pardon?"

"You really hate me...Don't you...?" Sakura looked up at him through teary eyes. Sasori nearly melted. Her face was red and splotchy, her eyes were puffy and swollen, her cheeks were wet with tear tracks, her nose was running, and her eyes sparkled from the tears that hadn't fallen yet. But upon looking at her, Sasori realized that Sakura was truly beautiful. He sighed.

"No...I do not hate you," Sasori mumbled.

"Yes you do.." Sakura muttered through her tears. Sasori sighed and kneeled down next to her, and pulled her into a light hug.

"I do not hate you..."

Sakura pulled out the list, reading it behind his back.

"I'm glad you don't hate me Saso-kun..." Sakura whispered into his wooden shoulder. "...Because then you won't be mad at me if I do this,"

Sakura gave Sasori a kiss on the cheek, which stunned him, then detached herself from his hug. She then crawled around him, and pulled his shoulders down to the floor, stunning him further. When he regained his ability to think straight, Sakura stuck her tongue out at him and skipped out of the room.

Sasori watched her walk out and sat up, smiling evily.

This means _war_.

**Ooooh, Sasori is gonna get back at Sakura!**

**I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I promise the next one will be good and it won't take me half a year to update. I just thought this little scene was necessary. (:**


	9. Chapter 9

Once Sakura left the room, Sasori made his way back to his own. He closed and locked the door behind him, not wanting anyone finding out about his "master plan".

He went over to his computer and went to Google. His wooden fingers gracefully danced across his keyboard as he typed in what he was searching for.

_**50 Ways To Piss Off Sakura **_

His eyes skimmed across the page and his smile grew wider with every number.

_'Number one, Ask her why she BOTHERS chasing after Sasuke, when it's so obvious he's gay.'_

Sakura read her list, trying to find the number she had stopped at.

_'Number twenty-six. Remind him that he is the shortest member in the organization (make sure to call him Shorty).'_

Sakura smirked.

She walked over to Sasori's room, only to find that the door was locked. The door was never locked.

Knock knock.

She waited ten seconds before knocking again.

_Knock knock._

Another five seconds.

_**Knock knock.**_

Still, he didn't answer his door.

_**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNO-**_

A very annoyed looking Sasori answered his door.

"What do you want, Sakura?"

"Nothing, Shorty. I just wanted to come in."

Sakura pushed past Sasori and stepped into his room. She plopped down onto his bed and gave him a little smile.

"Sasori?"

"Yes, Sakura..?"

"Did you know that you're the shortest member of the Akatsuki? I mean, next to me of course. But, doesn't that suck? Even Deidara is taller than you."

Sasori felt the urge to punch her in her pretty little face, but he didn't. Instead, he went along with his plan.

"Sakura,"

"Yeah...?"

"Why did you ever bother chasing after Sasuke? He obviously wasn't going to like you,"

Sakura's face dropped. This was a sensitive subject.

"He...He could have liked me..."

"It's so obvious that he was gay." Sasori held back a smirk. While Sakura looked away, Sasori quickly read the next number on his list. _'Tell her she's completely useless.' _Sasori thought about this for a second. He knew this would probably hurt her. But she'd been bothering him all day. The next number tied into the previous. _'If she denies it, show her all the clips where they actually SAY in the series that she's useless.'_

"He wasn't gay!"

"He chose a pedophile snake-man over you. I'm pretty sure he's gay," Sasori gave her a look. "Either that, or he left because you were completely useless."

Sakura's eyes widened.

"I-I..." She sniffled. "I'm not... I'm not useless."

"Do you need me to show you the clips? Everybody said it."

"NO! No... Please don't show me any of the clips," She quickly read the next number on her list. '_Number twenty-seven. Call all his puppets ugly and say they are not art.'_

"It seems like you need a reminder-"

"At least I'm sensible! I mean, have you _seen _your disgusting puppets? They're hideous! You call that shit art?" Sakura screamed at him, tears threatening to fall.

"_WHAT did you just say?_" Sasori growled. Sakura knew she was digging her own grave by now, but she wasn't stopping.

"I _said _that your puppets are ugly,"

Sasori skimmed down the list, looking for something to say to get back at her. 'Number six, tell her that her forehead is HUGE.'

"_You're _ugly," Sasori hissed at her. "Your forehead is _huge_. I don't understand why anyone would ever like you. _That's _probably why Sasuke left." As soon as it left his mouth, Sasori knew he'd made a mistake.

"I know..." She whispered.

Sasori strained his ears to hear her.

"What?"

"I said... I know. I know I am,"

That genuinely surprised Sasori. He was expecting her to come back with a rebuttal. Instead, she agreed? Where was the real Sakura?

"...What?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said. I just thought you'd say something back..."

"No. You've hurt me enough."

With that, Sakura got up and left the room.

Sasori fought back the urge to go after her, but he knew if he did he'd seem soft.

He rethought his whole plan. Maybe this list was too cruel. Maybe he should just ignore the things she does to him. He had never meant to actually _hurt_ her.

The next time she came in, he'd apologize.

Sakura sat on her bed, tears flowing from her eyes. Her tears were a mix of both sadness and anger.

_'How could he say those things to me?' _She asked herself. _'_Why _would he say those things to me?'_

She would get him back, and she would get him back _hard_.

**The "50 Ways to Piss Off Sakura" list is by ~sasodeioctembuary on deviantART. **

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. And if this isn't as good as my other chapters, I apologize. I haven't been online in a while. I hope I didn't lose my touch.**


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